This week marks the 101st birthday of North Korean legend, founder, and human deity, Kim Il-Sung. This message was brought to you by Smucker's®.
American Airlines flights ground to a halt yesterday due to a computer malfunction. But the airline quickly repaired the issue and was back to running an hour behind like normal.
The Detroit Lions signed the Norwegian YouTube sensation known as "Kickalicious" to a contract as Kicker for the team. And the moral of the story is, if you work hard, believe in yourself, and never give up, you too can live out your dream of playing for the Detroit Lions.
Former Beverly Hills 90210 star Ian Ziering is joining the cast of "Chippendales" all-male dance revue. A spokesman for Ziering said he's finally putting himself through college.
The city of Czestochowa, Poland, just unveiled a new statue of Pope John Paul II. According to the city, the statue weighs five tons, is 45 feet tall, and "humble as fuck!"
A new poll puts Anthony Weiner in second place in the NYC mayor's race, which is ironic because his pole put him out of a job.
His penis-pole.
And finally, giant African land snails are invading Florida, so get ready for a punchline swarm...
- The snails revealed they were relocating to Florida during an hour-long prime time press conference on ESPN. And they're not the slimiest to ever do so.
- Can't wait to see how much cocaine a snail can do.
- Who knew snails could grow a mullet?
- Send the snails to Disney's Wild Adventure, and someone there will be happy to kill them all.
- They're only the second-most ridiculous villain on Dexter.
Fin. Later, gaters!
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