Tennis star James Blake met with NYC Mayor Bill DeBlasio yesterday to discuss the NYPD officer who assaulted and tackled Blake recently outside his hotel. Blake said it was a productive meeting, and as a result he's been offered a position with the New York Giants, training Eli Manning in the proper way to go down when tackled.
Presidential hopeful Scott Walker dropped out of the race yesterday. Already the other candidates are fighting over his donor network, while Donald Trump laid claim to Walker's haircut.
Walker's departure comes just after Dr. Ben Carson announced he would never support a Muslim candidate for President unless he renounced sharia law. Coincidence? Or is Scott Walker secretly Muslim?!
Former hedge fund asshole Martin Shkreli just bought up the patent for a 62-year-old medicine used to treat AIDS complications, and jacked up the price from $13.50 to $750 per pill. The drug, Daraprim, is used by patients with compromised immune systems, like children, the elderly and AIDS patients, to fight off toxoplasmosis, an opportunistic parasite spread through feces, which also seems to be an accurate way to describe Mr. Shkreli.
Hillary Clinton is proposing a price cap on prescription drugs of $250 per month...
... because Bill's Viagra was breaking the bank.
... because she's in the pocket of the Big People Who Want To Continue Living lobby.
... so expect Walgreen's and CVS to start charging $400 for plastic pill bottles.
... but don't worry, heroin is not covered.
In other news, scientists have created a computer capable of passing high school geometry, but they still can't make one that is any good at talking to girls.
Showing posts with label new york giants. Show all posts
Showing posts with label new york giants. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 22, 2015
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Monday Morning Monologue - January 16
And another week begins. Here's some jokes to get you by.
The Russian Phobos-Grunt space probe crashed back to Earth shortly after launch this week, indicating that the probe had probably been badmouthing Putin.
Newt Gingrich said this weekend that he will be releasing his tax returns, but not his match.com profile.
Elsewhere in the primary, John Huntsman is hinting that he will drop out of the race. This is a difficult announcement for the campaign to make, but mainly because everyone thinks he dropped out weeks ago.
In Chicago, a driver wearing only his underwear and socks was arrested for DUI after he struck a police car. The crash was featured on both Cops and What Not to Wear.
Egyptian poet laureate Mohamed El Baradei is dropping out of the Egyptian presidential race after finding out he was trailing John Huntsman.
Hulu.com announced a new slate of original programming set to premiere on the site this year. The programs will be available for streaming with commercials, or you can just pirate them.
The New York Giants beat the Green Bay Packers last night, wreaking utter havoc with the New York Giants' office pool.
And finally, HBO is catching some grief over their new Sarah Palin film. The company denies that there is any political agenda behind the film, that's they're just trying to make some money, to which Palin responded "Copycats!"
Okay, that's all! It's too cold to banter! See you tomorrow! Until then, have a great day!
The Russian Phobos-Grunt space probe crashed back to Earth shortly after launch this week, indicating that the probe had probably been badmouthing Putin.
Newt Gingrich said this weekend that he will be releasing his tax returns, but not his match.com profile.
Elsewhere in the primary, John Huntsman is hinting that he will drop out of the race. This is a difficult announcement for the campaign to make, but mainly because everyone thinks he dropped out weeks ago.
In Chicago, a driver wearing only his underwear and socks was arrested for DUI after he struck a police car. The crash was featured on both Cops and What Not to Wear.
Egyptian poet laureate Mohamed El Baradei is dropping out of the Egyptian presidential race after finding out he was trailing John Huntsman.
Hulu.com announced a new slate of original programming set to premiere on the site this year. The programs will be available for streaming with commercials, or you can just pirate them.
The New York Giants beat the Green Bay Packers last night, wreaking utter havoc with the New York Giants' office pool.
And finally, HBO is catching some grief over their new Sarah Palin film. The company denies that there is any political agenda behind the film, that's they're just trying to make some money, to which Palin responded "Copycats!"
Okay, that's all! It's too cold to banter! See you tomorrow! Until then, have a great day!
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