Sunday, March 20, 2011

Monday Morning Monologue - March 21, 2011

Happy Monday, everybody, and happy beginning of Spring! Wanna see if this season is as funny as the last one? Let's dive in.

In communication news, AT&T is attempting to buy T-Mobile for $39 billion. Guess those commercials with the girl in the polka dot dress really worked.

In Belize, increased international demand for the grain quinoa has raised the price so much that the farmers growing the staple food are no longer able to afford eating it themselves. One local grower said "damn it! This is exactly what happened with cocaine!"

In Utah, the governor designated the Browning model M1911 handgun as the official state firearm. He also changed the state motto to "BLAM!"

In entertainment news, former actor Kevin Costner has officially joined the production of the new Superman movie. He immediately denied all rumors that the film would be "any good at all."

In legal news, an international pedophile ring was busted this week, netting over 300,000 suspected pedophiles. So, if the creepy guy who lives down down the street is still there, he's probably legit.

In diplomatic news, Carlos Pascual, America's ambassador to Mexico, has resigned after saying the Mexican government was proving ineffective in the war on drugs. He also confirmed that, yes, that dress does makes his wife's ass look a little fat.

In other romantic news, Tiger Woods has a new girlfriend. The famed golfer says he's happy to be in a relationship, and is looking forward to just cheating on one woman at a time.

In lastly, Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen just bought a refurbished MiG-29 fighter jet, meaning things are about to get very bad for anyone who ever gave him a wedgie.

In the end, that's all I've got for you today. Share us with your friends and networks through the magical buttons below, tell us what's on your mind, and come back soon!

Have a great day!

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