Sunday, March 6, 2011

Earnest's Weekend Monologue - March 6, 2011

Gas is nearing four dollars a gallon, and you know what that means. An increase in high-speed foot chases through L.A.

A guy in California plead guilty to attempted murder for driving thirty-five miles with his wife clinging to the hood of his minivan. He was driving 100 mph, which was the really shocking part. 100 mph in a minivan? It was the first time he was ever not embarrassed to be seen driving a minivan. The most important thing we can learn from this harrowing tale is that apparently a hood ornament wife is the poor man’s trophy wife.

We got the best unemployment news in several years, this week, which was Charlie Sheen joining Twitter and starting his own webshow.

Fashion designer John Galliano checked himself into rehab after making anti-semitic remarks. I guess this explains his show at fashion week where he just sent a bunch of white hoodies down the runway. Galliano’s first sign that he had a problem and needed to check himself into rehab was that he was slurring whenever he spoke... about Jews.

The NFL owners and the players’ union agreed to a week-long extension on negotiations on Friday. One of the many issues at stake for the players is just how far above the law they’ll be allowed to operate off the field. The owners want to be able to look the other way just for superstars, and the union wants to get more of the rookies and lower-tier players impunity for despicable behavior.

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