It's Wednesday! And what a wonderful Wednesday it's gonna be!
Actress and human-incubator Natalie Portman responded to the video of fashion designer John Galliano making anti-Semitic remarks by saying she was "disgusted." That's a harsh criticism coming from someone who was in all three Star Wars prequels.
At the Vanity Fair Oscar party, actress and slap-dispenser Joan Collins was rushed to the hospital after feeling faint. The culprit? Her dress was too tight. Happy Women's History Month, everybody!
In London, a Libyan diplomat recently expressed sorrow over recent events and was quoted as saying "I think we realize that he's crazy, but we have no alternative. We have no ways to get rid of him until now." He then clarified, "No, I'm talking about Colonel Gaddafi, not Charlie Sheen. Leave that poor man alone!"
In a related story, Nelly Furtado announced she will be giving away $1million she earned from a private performance for the Gaddafi family. The money will now be used to help pay the salaries of Two and a Half Men crew members.
In other Gadaffi news, Saif Gadaffi has been charged with plagiarizing parts of his dissertation, which puts him in danger of losing his Ph.D. The embattled scholar responded by saying, "that's just great! What else can go wrong? Oh, right."
In American politics, Newt Gingrich appears to be gearing up for a Presidential run in 2012. Pundits and analysts say he has a good chance, but he will have to overcome the fact that he's Newt Gingrich.
Christina Aguilera was arrested for public intoxication yesterday. Elsewhere in Los Angeles, Britney Spears stared wistfully out a window and thought of days gone by.
Finally, the Department of the Interior issued a permit for deep water drilling in the Gulf of Mexico for the first time since the BP catastrophe last year. A government spokesman explained, "look, I know we've had trouble in the past, but they've changed! It'll be different this time. We're going to be so happy together..." A nearby oil executive added, "that's right, baby. This is a truly great moment for people with no understanding of history. Now let's go make some money!"
Alright, that's it. You like this business? I hope so. Go ahead and share us on your social networking site of choice, or just email us to all the people who keep sending you email forwards. Let us know what you like, what you hate and what you want see made fun of. And keep coming back for the jokes every day (although you can skip Saturday) and have a great Wednesday!
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