Monday, March 28, 2011

Tuesday Morning Monologue - March 29, 2011

Welcome back, everybody! What's more fun than a blog full of jokes? Nothin', that's what! Enjoy!

South Korea recently sent 37 defectors back to North Korea, in what sounds like the penalty phase for the world's most brutal reality show. Get kicked off American Idol, you go on Regis and Kelly the next day. Get kicked off South Korean Idol, and things get decidedly worse. Are you paying attention, Hollywood?

Speaking of things ignored by Hollywood, the Junos, Canada's version of the Grammies, were held this weekend. To no one's surprise, Canuck music commune The Arcade Fire won, taking home four awards including Album of the Year. Better luck next time, Loverboy. Really, though, The Arcade Fire winning at the Juno's is about as surprising as Tyler Perry sweeping the NAACP Image Awards. Which he did.

Lindsay Lohan is planning to drop her last name. Apparently she thinks that if she's just "Linday," the cops won't be able to find her.

Facebook may be hiring former White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs as part of their overall strategy to help stymie the flow of information from the company.

NASA abandoned plans to add a 3-D camera to a new Mars rover. Instead, they'll shoot in 2-D and convert it to 3-D later. It worked for Alice in Wonderland, right?

In other dimensional news, radio personality Rush Limbaugh has begun disparaging the First Lady's figure, because apparently Mr. Limbaugh has never seen a mirror. Although his tits are probably bigger than hers...

The U.S. State Department has preemptively apologized for the upcoming visit of Jersey Shore cast members to Italy. Many Italians are concerned that the program, and it's cast, perpetuate negative stereotypes against the Italian people. But then again, they voted for Berlusconi, so what the hell do they know?

Lastly, Donald Trump recently produced a birth certificate proving that he was born in Queens, New York. No documentation was available regarding the origin of his hair.

That's it for today! Remember, these were free. If you did like them, tell your friends! Spread the word far and wide! We'll be back tomorrow, hope to see you then.

Have a great day!

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