You ever have one of those days that turns out to be a Thursday? I think this is going to be one of those. Now, for jokes.
President Obama is scheduled to tour Facebook headquarters soon. An excited Mark Zuckerberg said "I hope he likes it!" Whatever, they're not all great.
The cast of Happy Days sued CBS over DVD royalties recently, and CBS quickly caved to their demands after CBS President Les Moonves lost a dance-off to Henry Winkler. The Fonz is still king!
In Russia, Vladimir Putin responded to reports of a decline in the country's birthrate with his own plan to boost Russian fertility... one lucky lady at a time.
Speaking of lucky ladies, Sila Sahin, a Turkish-German actress, became the first Turkish woman to pose for German Playboy this month. Hopefully her pictorial will bring Germans and Turks together through masturbation.
The U.S. Treasury Department could begin selling off General Motors stock this summer. Why? To make room for the next model year's bailout! Everything must go!
In Florida, an unemployment agency spent more than $14,000 on red superhero capes for the unemployed. Upon learning it was part of a public relations campaign, one disappointed participant said "aw, man, I thought they were getting me a job as a bull fighter. I've always wanted to do that. Oh well, guess it's back to quiet desperation and an endless cycle of hopelessness for me!"
This week a report came out that a Delta Airlines plane was grounded for having rodent droppings "too numerous to count," as well as a significant presence of rodent urine. The report outraged Delta President Ed Bastian, who exclaimed "these rats have been flying for FREE?! I won't stand for it!" He then proposed the airline start selling Rodent-Free Upgrades to travelers this summer.
Lastly, Tyler Perry told Spike Lee to "go straight to Hell" this week, and inadvertently gave away the plot for the next Madea movie.
That's all for me! Spencer's back tomorrow (I think?) and Earnest is here Sunday for all your comedy needs. Follow them @spinlenox and @earnestp on Twitter if you like that sort of thing, and if you're in Hoboken tomorrow, come see my show at Clam Broth House at 9pm. Just like the blog, it's free!
Have a great day, all day, and we'll see you soon!
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