Did anyone see the end of The Apprentice on Sunday? No? Okay, that's what usually happens. So, now how about some jokes about a dead a-hole and his stupid friends?
U.S. forces successfully killed Osama Bin Laden on Sunday in Pakistan, along with three other members of Al Qaeda. For those wishing to send their condolences, in lieu of flowers, please register for a terrorist watch list.
Speaking of watch lists, Aymin Al Zawahiri is likely to take Bin Laden's place as the head of Al Qaeda, although there is a very small chance that Jeff Zucker will make them take Jay Leno.
Upon learning of Bin Laden's death, Bobby Brown came out of hiding. Welcome back, Mr. Brown. We've missed you. (Bin Laden apparently had a huge crush on Whitney Houston and reportedly tried to have Bobby killed. That's why that joke is funny. Okay, carry on.)
In the city of Abbottabad, where the military raid took place, a local resident unwittingly live-blogged the events of the raid from his nearby home, putting it on par with the Golden Globes.
In technology news, Internet providers took a hit Sunday night after rumors first started to spread about Bin Laden's death. Internet use spiked around the world, causing the worst strain on service providers seen since the first time Britney Spears "forgot" to wear underpants.
In Rome, a representative from the Vatican issued a statement saying that Bin Laden will have to answer to God for his actions. According to the spokesman, "anyone who uses religion to spread intolerance or incite violence will eventually have to face God's judgment... hey, could you please stop throwing history books at me?"
At a Mets-Phillies game Sunday night, fans interrupted the game with cheers of "USA! USA!" before switching back to the only other point upon which they both agree, "YANKEES SUCK! YANKEES SUCK!"
Lastly in movie news, director Kathryn Bigelow may have to rewrite her new film about a fictional killing of Osama Bin Laden, now that it has actually happened. The famed filmmaker also announced the tentative title of her next film "The Economy Rebounds, We all Get Good Jobs and Everyone at Goldman Sachs Goes to Prison." Keep your fingers crossed.
That's it. Let's see what happens tomorrow.
Hope you enjoyed these and passed them on to your friends or anyone else you want to impress with how cool you are.
Have a great day!
No comments:
Post a Comment
Chime in!