A lawsuit was filed in Dallas this week by football fans at the Super Bowl who were denied their seats despite having valid tickets. Tom Brady filed a similar suit after he was not allowed to play in the game, despite the fact that he was clearly Tom Brady.
Scientists hinted that in the future, robots may get their own version of the Internet to help them learn about the world. Obviously, this is just an excuse for ROBOT PORN!
Hundreds of thousands of protesters packed Cairo's Tahrir Square in record numbers, although in all honesty, many of them were just waiting to see a screening of Justin Bieber's new movie.
Still with Egypt, Vice President Suleiman called the widespread demands for President Mubarak's resignation "disrespectful," saying "it's one thing to ask for an end to 30 years of horrible repression, deprivation and intimidation from your government, but it's no excuse for hurting a man's feelings. He may be a strongman, but he's also a sensitiveman!"
Also in Egyptian news, the newly appointed Minister of Antiquities announced that the country's ancient artifacts were safe, despite reports of looting. He said the treasures were safe in part because of upgrades in security but mainly because of THE MUMMY'S CURSE!
Back in America, Jennifer Lawrence, the oscar-nominated actress from "Winter's Bone," acknowledged her redneck past in an interview this week, where she jokingly talked about being attracted to her brother. Hey, it worked for Angelina Jolie.
Lastly, New York City is considering using its raw sewage as a source of energy. Mayor Bloomberg said, "it's simple logic. You've gotta play to your strengths. And this city is 'strong' with untreated poop." The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles may be forced to relocate to Jersey City.
That's it for me.
Come back tomorrow for Fridays with Spencer and check us out on Sunday for Earnest's Weekend Monologue. And if you liked what you read, pass it along! Thanks!
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