Fridays with Spencer: Rights at Conception

Kentucky Senator Rand Paul, announced that he is cosponsoring the "Life at Conception Act". The law would declare that a person's life begins at conception, which would guarantee equal protection under the law. Of course, if fetuses had all the rights of a person, it might lead to interpretations that would vastly expand government power. For example, if a pregnant woman smokes or drinks alcohol, or simply eats unhealthily, she could face prosecution for reckless endangerment of a child. Paul clarified this hypocritical stance, saying, "I'm all for small, limited government, but it should be big enough know what is going on in a woman's 'lady parts.'"

Speaking of "lady parts," a new report shows that Oklahoma still locks up more women, per capita, than any state in the nation. Oklahoma has held this title for 14 of the last 15 years. The good news about women inmates is that they only serve 8 months for every year a man serves in prison. Women, once you hit that glass ceiling, will you clean it?

Former Governor Mitt Romney let the dogs out when he said, "Sarah Palin would make a great president." He added, "The Seer Stones told me. That's right, I'm Mormon. I hope people don't find out that I worship a false prophet."

Business social networking site, LinkedIn, filed for an initial public offering through the SEC. The struggling website is said to be going public as a way to raise revenue and get the site in the black. When asked how they will make the site more attractive users and prospective investors, a representative said, "We are trying to make it easier to troll for ass."

Nazril "Ariel" Irham, the lead singer of an Indonesian band called "Peterpan," and the country's biggest pop star, has been sentenced to three and a half years in jail for sex tapes with his girlfriends. Irham became the first person to be tried under the country's strict new anti-pornography law. When reached for comment, one of his fans said, "The sentence is pretty harsh. I mean, his band is called 'Peterpan.' We're lucky he was having sex with women - women over 18, no less."

There is still no word on how his girlfriends will be executed for the shame they have brought their family and country.

Hedge-fund manager John Paulson made more than $5 billion in profits in 2010, likely the largest one-year gain in investing history. Paulson, who is reportedly worth over $36 billion, made most of his fortune in 2007 when he got returns of 590 percent by betting against subprime mortgages. When reached for comment Paulson said, "I'm literally profiting off the misery of others. I have created no jobs, and middle-class Republicans think I deserve a tax break! This country is f*@#ing AWESOME."

Barbra Streisand and Seth Rogen will star in Paramount’s "My Mother’s Curse," a comedy with Streisand and Rogen playing mother and son. Rogen's agent said, "This will be the turd that sinks his career. Then again, I've said that before all of his movies."