Alright, lets’ get to it.
To help students cope with the stress of finals this winter, colleges are offering a wide range of recreational activities, such as laser tag, food deliveries and petting zoos. Or the students could just try binge-drinking and casual sex, like normal people. Nerds.
Facebook is expanding into China. Game developers are already hard at work trying to find the next hot new app for the Chinese market. Early focus groups report that “Political Prisoner Workfarmville” is testing quite well.
On her television show, Sarah Palin recently spent some time as a waitress in an Alaskan restaurant. Well, it took her a while, but she finally figured out a way to serve the people of Alaska. Unfortunately, she did quit halfway through her shift.
Rep. Peter King has called for Congressional investigations into the loyalty of Muslim Americans. Rep. King admitted that he has been called a bigot because of his views, but went on to say “thank goodness I don’t care what brown people think.”
A recent study of tapwater found a carcinogen in 31 of 35 cities, leading to outrage and condemnation from public health advocates. How about a little celebration for the 4 cities that aren’t poisoning people? Maybe I’m just a “glass is 12% full” kind of guy. Still, probably shouldn’t drink out of that glass.
The Venezuelan Parliament voted to limit the types of speech allowed on the Internet, including a ban on communication disrespectful to public officials. Yep, democracy is doing just fine in Venezuela. At least that’s what all my Venezuelan friends were saying on Twitter today.
Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour downplayed the traumatic events of the 1960s civil rights movement, saying of his hometown of Yazoo City, “I just don’t remember it as being that bad.” It should be pointed out that Gov. Barbour was white throughout most of the 1960s, so it probably wasn’t that bad for him.
Lastly, Monday night was the darkest night on Earth in almost 500 years, as it included both the solstice and a lunar eclipse. That means it was the best night in half a millennium for ugly people to have sex. Hope you all took advantage of it, ugly people.
That’s it. I’ve got to go find a flashlight.
I am seriously enjoying these. I'm doing what I can to send traffic your way.
ReplyDeleteEvery bit helps!
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