Alright, lets’ get to it.
After the user accounts at Gawker were hacked recently, major websites like Amazon and Twitter are forcing users to change their passwords as a precaution against unauthorized access. Representatives from Friendster issued a statement that read simply, “meh, why bother?”
A recent study in the UK found that many teenagers were confused by the college application process and unable to figure out what they needed to do to get in. Maybe that should serve as a reminder that not everyone needs to go to college? In a related story, university students rioted in the UK this week over a proposed tuition hike. The riot began after someone explained what tuition was, and what it means for it to be hiked.
At the UN today, a vote passed to lift sanctions imposed upon Iraq under Saddam Hussein’s government after it was revealed that Saddam Hussein was, in fact, dead. So, Iraq is now free to sell all the oil it wants and pursue a civilian nuclear energy program. That sounds like a wonderful idea.
Mark Zuckerberg was named Time Magazine’s Person of the Year. Somewhere in Los Angeles, Tom is eating cold beans from a can while staring into the Myspace logo burned into his computer monitor.
Meteorologists predict a heavy winter storm for the southern New England, unless the storm heads out to the Atlantic, in which case it will have little to no effect. The National Weather Forecast clarified the prediction, saying “Yep, we’re pretty useless.”
In case you couldn’t have guessed, David Arquette announced this week that he has been, quote, “drinking a lot.” He also expressed an interest in impregnating his ex-girlfriend Drew Barrymore. Stay classy, David.
A poll of Americans found “whatever” to be the most irritating word in the English language for the second year in a row. In a close second: “Kardashian.”
Larry King wraps up his long-running show today. After decades in broadcasting, King is excited to return to his first love, worshipping Satan.
Lastly, food carts in Portland, Oregon, have begun applying for liquor licenses in a move supported by lovers of haute cuisine and street riots. In Los Angeles, David Arquette voiced his support for the plan and extended an open invitation to Drew Barrymore to join him for steamed crabs, mojitos and unprotected sex.
That’s it. I need a drink.
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