Friday Morning Monologue - December 17, 2010

Alright, lets’ get to it.


Julian Assange is out on bail this week. So hide your kids, hide your wife. And hide your classified docuements, too.


Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao and Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh met this week to encourage greater friendship between the world’s two most populous countries. First order of business for the two nations: starting the longest game of “telephone” in recorded history.




Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin addressed the nation on television for nearly four and a half hours, or as Ryan Seacrest calls it: a vacation day.


New Mexico governor Richardson is studying the history surrounding Billy the Kid and considering granting a pardon to the notorious outlaw, leading to speculation that New Mexico must be pretty easy to govern.


A former New Jersey state lawmaker, Harvey Smith, was recently acquitted of corruption charges, specifically that he took $15,000 from a land developer. When asked for comment after the verdict, Mr. Smith said “that was way too close. If I’m gonna take that kind of risk again in the future, it’s gonna have to be for a lot more than a lousy fifteen grand. And that’s a promise.”


Winona Ryder claims in a new GQ interview that she has known for 15 years that Mel Gibson was a homophobic anti-Semite. At least he never stole anything.


The Fort Worth Transportation Authority voted to ban all religious ads on city buses rather than allow an athiest group to advertise. And so ends the greatest opportunity for religious dialog in America in the last ten years.


When asked why she wore a silver, haute couture dress to perform community service recently, Naomi Campbell responded by saying “because I’m completely insane and inappropriate. I can’t believe you had to ask that.”


Finally, scientists have isolated the part of the brain that causes fear in humans. Turns out you can drown it with alcohol.


That’s it. Have a great weekend!