Happy 2012! Did you make any New Year's resolutions? Probably not, because you're awesome, right? No need to change. But not everyone is so lucky. So, I've made a few resolutions on behalf of public figures who could use a new direction. Oh, and they're mostly funny.
For Chris Hanson, I resolve to invite someone over for drinks without posing as a 12 year old.
For John Boehner, I resolve to be less godawful at my job.
For Michele Bachman, I resolve to do something different with my eye makeup, or wear glasses or do something to look less creepy and intense all the time.
For Harry Reid, I resolve to not be held hostage by a Republican minority unless, you know, it involves legislation based on Democratic principles or would help the American people.
For Michael Bay, I resolve to blow some stuff up.
For Mitt Romney, I resolve to take a position on something. Doesn't matter what.
For Rupert Murdoch, I resolve to check my voicemail more often.
And finally, for Donald Trump, I resolve to quit being such a douchebag.
That's all for now! Tomorrow will be back to normal. Sure hope we get some news before then. Until that time, have a great day!
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