Hey, friends! Let's see what's happening now. Or yesterday, actually.
A new CNN poll reveals that 11% of Americans still approve of the job Congress is doing, which must mean that 11% of Americans are now members of Congress.
Internet shoe seller Zappos.com revealed that their customer database was hacked. So now everyone knows how big your clown-shoes are.
Speaking of the Internet, Wikipedia will go dark for a day to protest proposed anti-piracy laws. Elsewhere on the Internet, protest groups show their displeasure by downloading the latest Twilight movie and as many Adele albums as they possibly can.
A suspect in Georgia successfully smuggled a 10" revolver into prison inside his own rectum. The suspect has been described as a "crack shot."
In Detroit, Kid Rock apologized for smoking a cigar in a non-smoking diner. Patrons at the restaurant accepted his apology on the condition that he stop trying to give them his autograph.
A medical patient in New York was shocked this week by a bill for $45million for various medical treatments. Of course, the bill was sent in error. Yeah, it was actually only $32million.
After a lackluster performance at this year's Golden Globes ceremony, host Ricky Gervais is already working on some horrible things to say about himself at next year's show.
And finally, doctors in India revealed the existence of a drug-resistant strain of tuberculosis, which could pose a worldwide health threat. Not only that, it could lead to more shitty literature like Wuthering Heights.
Okay, that's the end. Have a great day!
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