What's happening in Chicago? Let's see.
It's been unseasonably warm in Chicago this winter, with temperatures routinely in the 50s. Of course, this has caused a rush on extra-strength deodorant and all manner of topical heat rash creams.
Speaking of sweaty messes, Walgreens is opening a new upscale location in downtown Chicago. It will feature 27,000 square feet of retail shopping space, a state-of-the-art clinic, groceries, fresh deli foods, and no more than one pharmacist on duty at any time.
In Springfield, Governor Quinn is taking on pension reform to boost Illinois' credit rating and make sure the state can support the level of graft and embezzlement the taxpayers have come to depend on.
In media news, WMAQ anchor Zoraida Sambolin is leaving for New York. And although she's selling her home, the departing anchor said that "Chicago will always be home," adding under her breath "for tax purposes." Rahm Emanuel has endorsed her move.
In Waukegan, a police officer fell into the lap of a suspect during a routine traffic stop when the suspect attempted to drive away. The officer finally stopped the car and arrested the man for improperly using the carpool lane. The officer was subsequently reprimanded for not wearing his seatbelt.
In other news, Metra sent an apology letter to commuters for delays at Union Station on Monday. As the letters were carried by cars, and not trains, they arrived on time.
In financial news, ShoreBank Corporation just filed for bankruptcy and changed their name to UnShoreBank. Come on, everyone loves a pun.
And finally, Mayor Emanuel accused the Municipal Employees Union of using Chicago libraries as "a bargaining chip" in ongoing contract negotiations, saying that the libraries should instead be used for downloading porn and providing showers to homeless people.
And that's it for now! More jokes tomorrow, everyone! Until then, have a great day, and GO BLACKHAWKS!
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