Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Thursday Morning Monologue - January 26, 2012


Can you believe it's Thursday already? It might not be Thursday when you read this, so that's pretty believable, I guess. Anyway, enjoy these mind-bending bits of... oh, Hell, they're just jokes. Read away!

President Barack Obama delivered his yearly State of the Union address Tuesday night. The program was the highest-rated program on NBC all week.

After Tuesday's State of the Union address, the Republican response, delivered by Governor Mitch Daniels, accused President Obama of making "efforts to divide us," saying that he was co-opting GOP plans to divide the nation.

Michele Bachmann is seeking a fourth term in Congress. And for some reason she's still campaigning in Iowa.

Newt Gingrich is refusing to debate if the audience can't applaud. Seems like Newt just can't escape the clap.

Rick Santorum wants the audience to make noise, too, but that's because he's hoping someone will shout out the answers.

Newt Gingrich announced that he would establish a colony on the moon if he were President. And by "establish a colony on the moon" he means "blast all the poor people into space."

In Arizona, President Obama had a tense conversation with Governor Jan Brewer, presumably over the fact that she's a terrible governor.

And finally, Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner said yesterday that President Obama wouldn't keep him on if he is reelected this fall. Well, finally Geithner starts making reasonable predictions.

Okay, that's all you get! There will be more Monday! And more tomorrow with Spencer! HOORAY!

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