What's got eight jokes and no banter? This blog!
Allegations surfaced yesterday that the Newt Gingrich campaign purchased fake Twitter followers to make the candidate appear more popular than he really is. I prefer to think he's just doing really well among people with private photo galleries and iPad giveaways. Also, they might try purchasing some fake campaign staff while they're at it.
This week the U.S. Coast Guard found a disabled submarine in the Caribbean with 7.5 tons of cocaine aboard. A visibly distraught Charlie Sheen asked "wait a minute, was it blue with white pinstripes?! No? Oh, okay."
Also this week, Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords returned to Congress to cast her vote for the bill to raise the debt limit and cut federal spending by two trillion dollars over the next ten years. She voted for the bill, despite her earlier comment that "this economy needs more spending cuts like I need another... well, you know."
I apologize for the construction of that joke, but not the content.
In China, the popular video game Angry Birds has taken off with Chinese gamers. It's just like the American version, except if the birds get too angry, they get arrested.
Speaking of criminals, Venezuela is releasing 40% of all its prisoners as part of a cost-saving initiative. The government assured the people that there's no threat to public safety, as most of the prisoners weren't guilty of anything, anyway.
In entertainment news, Joe Pesci is suing the producers of a film about John Gotti. Pesci says he gained 30 pounds after the producers promised him the role of Gotti, then changed their minds, leaving him, in effect fat and unemployed. In a related story, Rob Reiner wishes he'd thought of that excuse.
Talk show icon Oprah Winfrey is returning to television this fall. There's no word yet if she'll be taking Conan's time slot or not.
And lastly, an unidentified man jumped over the White House fence and was taken into custody by Secret Service agents. President Obama said he's willing to listen to the man's demands and negotiate a deal.
</jokes>
Come back tomorrow, and have a great day!
Somewhere in what you've written about Venezuela is a pretty awesome running gag about what sorts of criminals the Tea Party would leave in jail and who they'd let out if we took that cost-saving measure here. Sadly I can't be more specific about the gag. I'll keep working on it.
ReplyDeleteYes, keep working on it. Unless you're being paid with taxpayer dollars, in which case you're fired.
ReplyDeleteAnd here I thought if it was taxpayer dollars I'd get to stay on and on and on ruminating on potential solutions without ever actually formulating one.
ReplyDelete(The above joke makes me sound disturbingly conservative Repub, doesn't it?)