Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Wednesday Morning Monologue - August 31, 2011

Hey! It's another edition of Way Back Wednesday! I wonder... what was happening in August of 1981...

Listen up, dweebs! A new cable network just started up called Music Television. What's cable? I don't know! Only 25% of American households have it, and only 800,000 of those people can see this new "MTV," but that doesn't matter, because it's cool! How do we know? Well, it's broadcasting out of a studio in Fort Lee, New Jersey. That's pretty cool, right?

Speaking of cool, Washington Post reporter Lou Cannon just coined a new nickname for President Reagan: "The Great Communicator." It replaces his old nickname: "Good Talker Guy."

What else is new? Well, in California, lingerie designer Frederick's of Hollywood introduced a brand new style of ladies' underpants to Americans, called a "thong." It's designed to finally answer the question, "what's it like to get a paper cut on your anus?" Oh, fashion.

Earlier this month, President Reagan fired over 11,000 professional air traffic controllers who went on strike, demanding, among other things, increased rest periods between shifts. Well, glad that got cleared up. Buncha sissies, asking for sleep.

IBM unveiled a new "personal computer" this month. It's packed with 16 kilobytes of random access memory, a price tag of $1,565 and comes pre-loaded with three different viruses. Oh, and it's also got porn.

In France, the national government finally relaxed it's monopoly on radio stations. Congratulations, France: now you, too, can enjoy all the crappy radio morning shows that define a democracy.

Back in America, the Major League Baseball strike ended without the President firing them all. The season will play out normally from this point, with all teams at a record of 0-0, which is the best position Cubs have had this late in the season for decades.

And lastly, the deep space probe Voyager 2 passed within 41,000 kilometers of Saturn this month, which was sadly not quite close enough to drop off the two tons of Chinese take-out menus it carried from Cape Canaveral. Next time, boys.

Okay, that's all! Let's all go watch The Empire Strikes Back!

Till then, have a great day.

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