Sunday, June 12, 2011

Welcome back to your week, you happy people! Wait, it's Monday. You can switch out "happy" in that sentence for whatever suits your fancy today. There, at least something is going your way.

Okay, here's something, I think. Musicians and nerds in Japan have created a completely synthetic pop-star named Hatsune Miku. She's completely fake, which has me wondering if she isn't a Simpson sister.

Speaking of fake, did you hear about "A Gay Girl in Damascus?" The popular blog told the story of a gay woman in Syria who was supposedly abducted by the authorities. After a massive Internet campaign demanding her release, the author of the blog, Tom MacMaster, came forward and admitted the hoax. It's a good thing Oprah already retired. MacMaster did apologize, though, for tricking people into caring about the middle-east.

In a related story, the U.S. State Department is preparing secret technological aid packages for dissidents to use to get information out when their governments start cracking down on protests and reform movements. Or, we could just quit selling tanks and guns to their dictators. You know, whichever is easiest, I guess.

Speaking of unlikely, Alaska released 24,000 pages of Sarah Palin's emails last week. Early reports indicate she was "surprised" to be chosen as the VP candidate in 2008. Of course, she strikes me as the kind of person to be surprised by toast popping up, so maybe that's not a great indicator. Also surprising: the number of emails discussing American Idol.

In Arizona, residents are being allowed back into their homes in the wake of the recent wildfires, or as Arizonans are calling them "that cold snap."

In New York, voters are staging anti-Weiner rallies. I'm sure there's a cheap Indigo Girls joke in there, but I won't make it. Instead, I'll just mention the rallies were headlined by Wanda Sykes and Teagan & Sara. BOOM! UPDATED!

In fashion news, country singer LeAnn Rimes got a new haircut this weekend, chopping off several inches from her hair. The singer explained "it was making me feel fat. Okay, I've gotta go do some crunches. Problem? No, I don't have body-issues! Why would you say that? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" Seriously, someone's got to make her eat some donuts.

And lastly, friends and family of Rep. Gabrielle Giffords posted new photos of the smiling Congresswoman on Facebook. And not a single photo showed her genitals. Are you taking notes, Congress?

Okay, that's all for now. I can't believe there were two Weiner jokes. I'm as ashamed as you are. Okay, I've gotta go. Have a great day, and don't forget your sunblock!

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