Bad science news this week, as a NASA scientist is in trouble for using his position and knowledge to earn $1.2 million from a third party. He probably just gave some tips to Michael Bay on how to film the Moon so that it looks real.
Bad fashion news this week, as fancy fashionist John Galliano went on trial in France for making anti-Semitic remarks. It's likely that he will blame drugs and alcohol for the outburst. First it was Mel Gibson's drunken, anti-Semitic rant and now this? It's become clear to me: drugs and alcohol hate Jewish people!
In California, Lindsay Lohan said she is enjoying her house arrest, probably because it gives her a chance to catch up on her drugs in peace.
In Utah, a gunman took several people hostage hostages for 16 hours, and still kept updating his status on Facebook. That's some serious multi-tasking. Also, it looks like hostage situations should be more exciting.
Former celebrity Nick Lachey and his new wife will star in a new version of his old show Newlyweds. Jeez, Nick, hope you didn't give her Jessica's old clothes, too.
The acting head of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tabacco and Firearms is expected to resign after allowing guns to be sold to Mexican gangs... unless he can pull off a wacky scheme to get the guns back, arrest the gangs and totally impress his girlfriend's stodgy old parents! Wait, is Pauly Shore the acting head of the ATF? No? Oh, then he's screwed.
Yesterday, Sarah Palin abruptly ended her bus tour. She abandoned that bus like it was a Governor's Mansion. BOOM! She's a quitter! Still, though, you have to admire her amazingly consistent inconsistency. She likes to quit stuff. I heard she started shooting heroin just to give it up. Seriously, I'm starting to wonder if she could even finish a sneeze.
Lastly, in Colorado, police alleged that a peeping tom hid in porta-potty tank to watch people use the restroom, and when discovered, he made his escape while still covered in poop. I think he was probably just washing off his Jack in the Box burger. BOOM! TRIPLE CALLBACK! That's it! It's the turd-trifecta! I've completed my shitty trilogy, and I thank you for coming along with me.
Ending my week with a poop joke? Shit yeah.
Eat your fruit, have a great day, come back again soon! Spencer's here tomorrow, so you should be, too.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Chime in!