Hey, everyone! You came back! Or came for the first time. Whatever. You're reading, and that's all that matters. And you've made it to the middle of the week. Can you taste the weekend? If you can, you should probably see a neurologist, because you're likely having some sort of gustatory hallucination. Look it up. You've got the Internet. And you've also got these jokes!
Filmmaker Sofia Coppola got married last month in southern Italy. Congratulations to her! Early buzz says that the wedding video is a real tour de force of understated emotional poignancy. I'm sure it's totally not unwatchable.
In other European celebrity news, Tom Jones cancelled a show in London citing "dehydration." Is there any chance that "dehydration" doesn't mean "drunk off his ass?"
In other musical news, pop provocateurs The Flaming Lips announced that the band is working on a six-hour song. The nations pot-dealers say they'll do their best to keep up.
Speaking of Phish, I mean pot, I mean Phish, the legendary jam band will soon be returning to Vermont for a concert to raise money for flood victims. And yes, a Phish concert in a flood zone is the closest most of the fans will come to bathing in the next six months.
Speaking of needing to wash it off, ABC named Ben Flajnik as the next "Bachelor" on the matchmaking show The Bachelor. Flajnik (pronounced "doosh-bag") said he's looking forward to meeting a bunch of women and falling in love with whoever the producers tell him to. Just like our grandparents did...
Regis Philbin announced that he will be leaving Live on November 18th. This corrected an earlier statement that he would be leaving Life on November 18th. That actually isn't scheduled until the end of January. Jay Leno has already started lobbying to replace him. Have I made that joke before? Oh, screw it.
Congress is back in session, finally, so get ready to watch our members of congress work together across party lines to find mutually beneficial answers to all of the nation's problems in Bizarro World. We're screwed.
And finally, Rudy Giuliani said that he will run for President "if things get desperate." Well, Rudy, I think you running for President defines "desperate," so... kinda trailed off there, petered out and didn't finish strong... oh, forget it.
Alright, that's all! Good times for all, right? Hope you enjoyed it. See you again tomorrow, right?!
Till then, have a great day!
FYI, the Leno jokes will never get old or be overdone. You perpetrate a series of enduring dick moves like he did and you take what gets handed to you as long as supplies last.
ReplyDeleteAnd the Guliani thing? What more is there to say? There is no more desperate than a world where we even consider electing that grandstanding cockmonger.
We're screwed.