Hey, everybody! I hope your Tuesday is awesome. You know what's awesome? Locally-grown, pesticide-free produce. Just a thought. Eight more thoughts follow, but none as tasty as a farm fresh tomato. Enjoy.
The Postal Service announced a projected $5.5 billion budget deficit. Looks like the "Forever" stamps may be turning into the "While you still can" stamps. In a related story, there is no word yet on the solvency of Death Cab For Cutie.
In France, the trial for former President Chirac got underway without him being in attendance. Silvio Berlusconi asked if he could have the same deal, as his duties as Italian Prime Minister still require his undivided attention. And by "duties" he of course means "banging high-class call girls."
In Hollywood, Eddie Murphy is on the short list to host the next Oscars telecast. He's promised to uphold the storied tradition of the telecast: failing spectacularly and then blaming Bruce Vilanch.
Green Day frontman and Broadway participant Billie Joe Armstrong got kicked off a Southwest Airlines flight recently because his pants were too baggy. Apparently his pants were so low that the flight attendant could see his Dookie. What a Nimrod! Seriously, what kind of American Idiot can't pull up his pants? Kerplunk.
Meteorologists report that Hurricane Katia is intensifying in the Atlantic Ocean. This is terrible news for millions on the east coast who are just now recovering from last week's Hurricane Irene coverage.
Oprah Winfrey will be holding a live chat on Facebook this fall, as part of her plan to finally interview 500 million people at once.
Speaking of Facebook, a woman recently went out with a man she met on Facebook who then proceeded to rob an off-track betting house and forced her to serve as his getaway driver. Is this the world we've come to, where men no longer drive on first dates? For shame.
And finally, two Mexican school teachers are facing 30 years in prison for tweets they sent about a school kidnapping that turned out to be a hoax. Did anyone else think that sentence was going to end with "and a picture of their penises?"
And so it ends. Enjoy it or not, it still happened. Come back tomorrow, when more stuff will happen!
Till then, have a great day!
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