Back to work, everybody. That includes you, Steve. And it includes me. Here are some more jokes.
In London this week, a life-size statue of President Ronald Reagan was unveiled in front of the U.S. Embassy. Strangely, the statue is actually crying, because it was built with taxpayer funds.
In Venezuela, Dear Leader Hugo Chavez vowed to fight his cancer like he's fought against the U.S.A.: with insane conspiracy theories.
In Mexico, a founding member of the Zetas drug cartel was arrested this week. They'll probably replace him, but it's never quite the same after you break up the original lineup. Just ask Menudo.
In North Ireland, a study found that residents spend over $800,000 on prostitution every week. Seems like the Greek bailout should involve a hooker-exchange program, right?
In Germany, Otto von Habsburg, the last living heir to the Austro-Hungarian empire and the fanciest instance of inbreeding in modern history, died at the tender age 98. Since he died of natural causes, I wonder who gets his cards? That's a RISK! joke. My apologies to people who played outside when they were kids.
In Michigan, an inmate sued the state over its ban on pornography in prison, claiming that it is cruel and unusual punishment. At least they're not making him watch "Two Girls, One Cup." DON'T GOOGLE THAT!
The Federal Aviation Administration recently gave permission to air traffic controllers to skip work if they're too tired to stay awake. This is fantastic news for people who like to avoid mid-air collisions. Come to think of it, maybe this is why the Reagan statue is crying. Because he fought the air traffic controllers union. Get it? It's history! Oh, forget it. Next up is a joke about a monkey.
Lastly, an escaped baboon was captured after leading authorities on a wild chase through the town of Howell, New Jersey. Look for the telegenic, outgoing primate to replace whats-his-name on The Jersey Shore if contract negotiations don't pan out.
Well, that's all for now. I do hope you're getting enough sleep, everybody. Yes, even you, Steve. Have a great day, and we'll see you tomorrow!
In London this week, a life-size statue of President Ronald Reagan was unveiled in front of the U.S. Embassy. Strangely, the statue is actually crying, because it was built with taxpayer funds.
In Venezuela, Dear Leader Hugo Chavez vowed to fight his cancer like he's fought against the U.S.A.: with insane conspiracy theories.
In Mexico, a founding member of the Zetas drug cartel was arrested this week. They'll probably replace him, but it's never quite the same after you break up the original lineup. Just ask Menudo.
In North Ireland, a study found that residents spend over $800,000 on prostitution every week. Seems like the Greek bailout should involve a hooker-exchange program, right?
In Germany, Otto von Habsburg, the last living heir to the Austro-Hungarian empire and the fanciest instance of inbreeding in modern history, died at the tender age 98. Since he died of natural causes, I wonder who gets his cards? That's a RISK! joke. My apologies to people who played outside when they were kids.
In Michigan, an inmate sued the state over its ban on pornography in prison, claiming that it is cruel and unusual punishment. At least they're not making him watch "Two Girls, One Cup." DON'T GOOGLE THAT!
The Federal Aviation Administration recently gave permission to air traffic controllers to skip work if they're too tired to stay awake. This is fantastic news for people who like to avoid mid-air collisions. Come to think of it, maybe this is why the Reagan statue is crying. Because he fought the air traffic controllers union. Get it? It's history! Oh, forget it. Next up is a joke about a monkey.
Lastly, an escaped baboon was captured after leading authorities on a wild chase through the town of Howell, New Jersey. Look for the telegenic, outgoing primate to replace whats-his-name on The Jersey Shore if contract negotiations don't pan out.
Well, that's all for now. I do hope you're getting enough sleep, everybody. Yes, even you, Steve. Have a great day, and we'll see you tomorrow!
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