What is this, Monday? Oh, the Hell with that.
Okay, jokes now.
This week, an Italian diesel tanker was seized by pirates in the open sea off the coast of Benin, in west Africa. Just so we're clear, American manufacturing is shrinking, while African sea piracy is expanding. Whatever the IMF is doing, they need to start doing the opposite.
Speaking of money, Speaker Boehner walked out of debt-ceiling discussions with President Obama on Friday and then refused to take his call. Seems like a dick move, Boehner. Yes, that's right, you get jokes about how your name sounds like "boner" until you quit acting like a penis.
In news of talks that stand a chance in Hell, the U.S. State Department invited representatives from North Korea to rejoin anti-proliferation talks. North Korea said they will return to the negotiations on the condition of tacos. They want tacos. Because they have no food! Sad. But tacos sure are good, right?
Someone who won't be enjoying tacos for a while? R&B singer R. Kelly. Mr. Kelly recently had emergency tonsil surgery, and we wish him the best as he recovers. His publicist issued a statement saying that he won't be able to sing during recovery, but he should have no problems peeing on people.
In other romantic news, singer/dancer/Abdul-replacer Jennifer Lopez capped off the end of her marriage by flying to The Ukraine to perform at wedding reception, because apparently there's no word in Ukranian for "irony."
Speaking of international entertainers, Canadian law enforcement authorities have declined to honor American extradition requests for Randy Quaid, saying that "he's just too damn fun!" Seriously, the guy can be pretty entertaining. I can understand why they'd want to keep him. After all, we're keeping Dave Foley, so it seems only fair.
In other entertainment money news, a rare photo of the Beatles' first U.S. concert recently sold for $360,000 at auction. And Ringo still won't sign it.
And finally, Sunday marked the first day that gay marriage became legal in the state of New York. Many church groups vehemently protested this expansion of civil rights, including many predominantly black churches, because apparently there's no word in the Bible for "irony."
That's it. And I mean that sincerely. Let's do this again, what say? How about in roughly 24 hours? So, if you have an entire season of 24 saved on your DVR, with commercials, start watching it now, and when you're done, there should be another one of these things to read.
Till then, have a great day!
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