Happy Fourth of July, everyone! I hope you've got the day off, just like our founders wanted. While you enjoy your day, here's some jokes!
Speaking of American political history, Republican presidential hopeful Herman Cain lost several staffers last week. The sad thing is he'll never know they left, as their resignation letters were more than three pages long.
In South American political news, Venezuelan "President" Hugo Chavez was diagnosed with cancer, which has actually led to increased support among his people. In a related story, Libya's Colonel Qaddafi has taken up sunbathing and started using a cell phone from 1989.
Speaking of Qaddafi, word came last week that the African Union is disregarding the arrest warrant issued for the Libyan leader. So, I guess that means they probably won't be paying their parking tickets, either.
Speaking of parking, the cost of fuel in Canada is rising to all-time highs this summer, which is driving up the cost of living across the country. It's so bad, that now they're having to use off-brand Kraft in their disgusting poutine dinners.
In movie news, the Internet is abuzz with rumors that Transformers 3 uses footage from a previous movie, which is shocking, considering how original the rest of the concept is.
In Texas, a man wrongfully convicted of murder was awarded a settlement of $1.4 million after spending nearly two decades in prison. Not only is the story a frightening warning about our judicial system, it's also the inspiration for a new reality show on FOX this fall.
In automotive news, Toyota is recalling another 82,200 cars. A statement from the company said "FOR GOD'S SAKE, DON'T USE THE CUPHOLDERS!"
And finally today, Google is in talks to buy the television and movie-streaming website Hulu, in part of their ongoing efforts to make sure no one gets anything done at work ever again. Keep it up!
Okay, that's all for now! Have a great day, and we'll see you again tomorrow!
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