Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Thursday Morning Monologue - August 2, 2012

Check this out. It's jokes and such.

In India, utilities companies restored power to 600 million people left in the dark after the power grid failed. When asked if something similar could happen in America, the federal government was quick to say "no," but only because there aren't 600 million people in America.

If you've been on Twitter lately, you've probably seen the popular #NBCFail hashtag trending in the last week. It's become so popular, in fact, that NBC decided to make it their new slogan.

Although they really did that as soon as they put Whitney on the air.

Colin Farrell said in an interview that he was "saved" by his son. That's a lot of responsibility to put on one kid. But now we know who to blame if Total Recall sucks.

In Rhode Island, the oldest general store closed this week after being in operation for 224 years. The saddest moment was when they took down the photo of the store's first winning lottery ticket. The number was 12. Also, Twinkies are blah blah blah.

Netflix debuted a new assistant called "Max" on the PS3. It will help to recommend new movies and television shows as well as automatically sending out your Social Security Number and the name of your childhood pet.

A glitch in software at the New York Stock Exchange caused some serious trading anomalies yesterday, and trading had to be briefly suspended. A representative later said that it would be fixed by Thursday. And by "fixed" they mean "rigged."

Eight women badminton players were booted out of the Olympics yesterday for throwing matches during the tournament, although analysts agreed that they all could have been contenders. Whew.

And finally, anti-marriage equality supporters thronged to Chick-Fil-A stores yesterday to show support for the company's stance against gay marriage. In a related story, your favorite lunch spot was probably devoid of assholes yesterday. Thanks, dickheads!

See you tomorrow, friends!

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