How's your mustache? Hope it's free of mustard and musty mildew.
Paul Ryan blamed high voter turnout in "urban" areas for President Obama's victory last week. He then clarified his remarks by saying "oh, and 'urban' means 'black,' in case you didn't get that."
BlackBerry announced that the new BlackBerry 10 will be in stores early next year. And it will stay there. For years. Because no one wants to buy it.
In New Zealand, a man was arrested for plotting to throw horse manure on Prince Charles and his wife Camilla. Royal body guards were visibly relieved, because no one wants to jump in front of that kind of attack.
Online game company Zynga is shuffling around its leadership in an attempt to keep the company afloat. Meanwhile, designers are hard at work on their upcoming releases "Resume-Ville" and "Unemployment Office Defense."
In sports, Pittsburgh quarterback Ben Roethilsberger was labeled as "questionable" by team doctors due to an arm injury. Fortunately for Ben, it's not his rapin' arm.
Stars of The Jersey Shore are trying to raise funds to rebuild the coastline, apparently unaware that all they have to do put the shore back on track is to leave and never return.
Los Angeles is mulling over instituting "meatless Mondays" within the city limits. No word yet on how that would impact the porn industry.
A young California woman searching for a cell phone signal wandered into a rattlesnake nest, and was bit six times. She survived, which makes us wonder which is weaker out in the desert: cell phone coverage or rattlesnake venom? No punchline there. We need to organize some science.
And finally, a study found that Latin American women make less than Latin American men. Good to see that the U.S. is still inspiring other nations.
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