Just kidding! Or, I will be in about one more sentence. Yeah, that sounds right.
Child-molesting jerk Jerry Sandusky said from prison yesterday "in my heart, I know I did not do these alleged, disgusting acts." That's true. He did them mainly in a shower.
Enjoy prison, you piece of crap.
In other piece of crap news, a 26 year-old man was arrested for defacing a Rothko painting in London this week. He was captured when he turned up asking for his name to be added to the label.
Museum joke!
Kid Rock said that he will support Rep. Paul Ryan, even if it costs him his fans. He also said the same thing about releasing his last album.
British rugby player Paul Wood was joking yesterday about losing a testicle in a recent match. He put up missing posters, but so far hasn't heard dick about it.
Good news! The American crocodile is coming back. In a related story, something just ate your dog.
Doctors are studying whether or not a daily dose of fatty acids may be able to lower returning veterans' suicide risk. It's either that, or provide them with adequate physical and psychological rehabilitation and some sort of jobs program.
Writer Kelly Marcel was just picked to write the Fifty Shades of Grey screenplay. She said she's looking forward to getting paid for writing something absolutely awful.
And finally, Sprint is testing a new program wherein you can use your name as your phone number. The option is an extra $3 per month, and is not expected to be popular with people whose names are strings of ten seemingly unrelated numbers.
Okay, now I'm serious.
BYE!
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