Happy times, my friends. Did you hear that Hugo Chavez was "re-elected" as "President" of Venezuela? Let's look back on the last 13 years of his rule.
1999 - Upon election, decrees that all opposition parties will be outlawed unless they agree to party "like it's 1999."
2000 - Accidentally says something completely insane in an interview, decides he likes the way it feels.
2001 - Develops a deep and abiding animosity toward George W. Bush over a particularly heated game of Monopoly.
2003 - Citing artistic differences, leaves his role as a judge on Venezuelan Idol.
2005 - Admits he doesn't entirely understand socialism.
2006 - Beginning his third term, President Chavez takes the oath of office while making air quotes.
2009 - On George W. Bush's last day in office, succeeds in leaving a flaming bag of dog poop at the South Portico of the White House.
2012 - Refuses to enact strict voter ID laws to suppress opposition voting because, in his words, "what am I, an asshole?"
And that's the end! What will the next 13 years bring? Here's hoping they bring nothing.
Chavez sucks.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Chime in!