Monday, October 22, 2012

Tuesday Morning Monologue - October 23, 2012

JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKES!

Actress Kelly Preston just turned 50 years old and said said of the milestone "I feel like I'm 25!" She then went on to say that she was a very tired, used-up 25.

Server problems took Reddit.com offline for hours yesterday, forcing thousands of users to express their endless hate in person.

Gynecologists now say that women can wait longer between Pap tests. Also, they're getting tired of looking at so many vaginas.

The Syrian government said yesterday that sanctions are hurting children in Syria. Also hurting children in Syria: the Syrian government.

Biologists reported that a male beluga whale was heard mimicked human speech in pitch and cadence. You know, like Mitt Romney does.

Also, the marine biologists who overheard the whale suspect it may have been mocking them. Because even a beluga whale could tell they sucked.

Kathie Lee Gifford recently dropped a puppy on the air when she realized the puppy was not full of wine.

Google reported that "Paul Ryan Shirtless" is more commonly searched than "Paul Ryan budget plan" because everyone knows that budget plans have terrible muscle definition.

And finally, an Atlanta paper company was charged with scheming to avoid taxes through bribes and falsifying records. Unfortunately for them, they were caught because they left a paper trail.

No more!

No comments:

Post a Comment

Chime in!