Sunday, December 11, 2011

Monday Morning Monologue - December 12, 2011

Did everyone have a great weekend? I'm pretty sure I explicitly told everyone who reads this blog to have a great weekend. So, I really hope you did it. Because I'm a megalomaniac. And now, jokes.

On Meet the Press yesterday, actual Senator Lindsey Graham explained his opposition to the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, saying that the regulatory body was "something out of the Stalinist era." His new economic adviser Yakov Smirnoff then added, "in Soviet Russia, Financial Protection Bureau consumes you!"

In Virginia, a woman was arrested for falsely claiming to be a cancer survivor in order to solicit donations. The woman has publicly apologized, and offered to join a tanning salon.

Astronomers confirmed the possible presence of planets made entirely of diamonds recently. Newt Gingrich has already purchased one on credit.

Speaking of Gingrich, the Arab League recently condemned comments he made about Palestinians as ignorant and racist. Newt thanked them for their endorsement.

Rick Perry screwed up again this week, when he misidentified the number of US Supreme Court Justices during an interview. Fortunately, that kid who stumped Michele Bachmann was there to set him straight.

In other Rick Perry news, he and Mitt Romney got into a heated debate about healthcare, and Romney offered to bet Perry $10,000 that he was right. That's $10,000, or as uninsured Americans call it "the amount of money we need to keep getting chemotherapy for another week."

Former Panamanian strongman Manuel Noriega was extradited back to Panama this week after spending 22 years in prison overseas. He's expected to serve out the rest of his life in Panamanian prison where, if he's truly lucky, he will die without ever having seen an episode of NBC's Whitney.

And finally, in the Ukraine, a group of young women protested the recent Russian parliamentary elections by stripping in front of a Moscow church. Let that be a lesson to you, Vladimir Putin. You screw around with the elections, and young women will come to your city and take off their clothes. Hmm. Wait a minute...

1 comment:

  1. Kiz sent me....and yes I did laugh...as she put it, better than crying.

    ReplyDelete

Chime in!