Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Tuesday Morning Monologue - July 2, 2013

Over the weekend in New York, a helicopter successfully landed in the middle of the Hudson River. Because that's how hard it is to find a helicopter parking space in the city.

In the Middle East, news coverage is completely dominated by protests in Egypt, which means this is the perfect time for a Middle-Eastern nip-slip to go unnoticed.

Apple Computers is rumored to be trying to lock down a trademark on the term "iWatch." Too bad the NSA beat them to it.

The underage sex-abuse lawsuit against Kevin Clash, the actor who played Elmo was dismissed yesterday because the judge ruled the plaintiffs waited too long to bring their action. The judge did also rule that Clash did not wait long enough before bringing his action.

It looks like Edward Snowden is stuck in Moscow, unable to get on a flight out of the country. Probably shouldn't have booked with Orbitz.

Scientists estimate that there are 60 billion habitable planets in the Milky Way galaxy, but that number goes way down when you factor in how far away they are from Trader Joe's.

A man at a bank in Orange County, California, was nearly arrested for wearing a surgical mask. Police were relieved to find out he was not a bank robber, but merely wearing the mask because he has cancer. Not relieved, but, you know.

And finally, after the thrilling efforts of Wendy Davis in Texas to block anti-abortion legislation, NBC has announced a new summer reality competition: "So You Think You Can Filibuster!" Harry Reid has already set his DVR.

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