Google is set to spent $500 million promoting the new Motorola "Moto X" phone, which it turns out is slightly less than it would have cost to just make a good phone in the first place.
Police arrested a man for sitting outside John Kerry's Boston home with an open container of alcohol. In a related story, STOP THE PRESSES! Some yahoo is out drunk in Boston!
In Michigan City, Indiana, a young boy is doing well after being rescued from a sinkhole where he was trapped for three hours. The child thanked his good fortune for not being stuck in a sinkhole in Florida. Because someone would have shot him.
In Italy, racism is alive and well, as an Italian Senator just made statements likening the country's first black cabinet minister to an orangutan. Fortunately, George Zimmerman was nowhere near the cabinet minister.
China's economy slowed for the second straight quarter, proving once again that they get all their ideas from America.
Speaking of China, former Laker Metta World Peace is considering taking his talents to China as a free agent. He's excited at the prospect of playing for over a billion fans, and choking them.
In Belfast, the Northern Ireland Chief of Police denounced recent riots, saying they were "shameful and disgraceful," claiming that Northern Ireland can do way better next time.
And finally, the world's oldest calendar was discovered in Scotland recently. Scientists were able to determine its exact age by checking to see if it listed Larry King's birthday.
HE'S OLD!
And that's it for today.
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