Monday, July 16, 2012

Tuesday Morning Monologue - July 17, 2012

Ugh. Jokes now.

The captain of the Costa Concordia said yesterday that "I am clear with my conscience." It should be pointed out that his conscience is a worthless asshole.

Protesters in Egypt taunted Secretary of State Clinton recently with shouts of "Monica, Monica, Monica" before presumably going off to listen to Chumbawumba and watch Seinfeld.

North Korea's army chief was relieved of duty this week due to an undisclosed "illness." Some observers say it indicates a possible power struggle, but it's just as likely that the dude has scurvy. Seriously, those are some malnourished people.

In other world news, the United Nations found rampant corruption within the Somali government, which is actually great news, considering that in previous years Somalia's government was too weak to support graft and corruption.

In Oregon, gloves are no longer required for food service workers, thanks to the tireless lobbying of the diarrhea industry.

NBC's Today Show lost in the ratings again last week, even after the addition of new co-host Savanna Guthrie. Just to be safe, NBC fired Ann Curry again.

A passenger flying back from Europe on Delta airlines was served a turkey sandwich with sewing needles inside. The passenger was rightfully upset, as she had specifically ordered the vegetarian sewing needle option.

And finally, Microsoft is touting Office 2013's ability to fully integrate with popular programs like Yammer and Skype, promising to ruin them with greater efficiency than ever before.

Tell your friends.

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