Customs agents in Norway found two ounces of marijuana in Snoop Dogg's luggage, leading Snoop Dogg to wonder "where did I leave the other six pounds of marijuana I brought with me?"
Japanese ukulele players set a new world record for the most ukulele's played together in concert at one time this weekend. Those in attendance set a new world record for tolerating ukulele music.
Former Vice President Dick "Tin Woodsman" Cheney said in a recent interview that putting Sarah Palin on the 2008 ticket was "a mistake." Congratulations, Sarah Palin! You are now officially more repellent to Dick Cheney than torture and Lynne Cheney's awful romance novel.
A new study on workplace behavior revealed that people who curse on the job are less likely to be promoted, which is some real bullshit.
And finally, some tips for watching the Olympics.
- If you've ever wanted to watch competitors poop, your best options are long distance running and the horse dressage events.
- Fencers are no longer required to softly whisper their true love's name and expire after losing a match.
- Pay special attention to the rowing events, as those skills will become increasingly important once the polar ice caps melt and we're all living in friggin' Waterworld.
- Try not to think about all the things you could have accomplished if only you were willing to put in the time and effort.
That's it! Later, gaters.
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