Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Thursday Morning Monologue - July 19, 2012

Let me tell you a little story. Actually, eight little stories. And they're not stories, so much as they are jokes. And I won't tell them to you. I'll just publish them on my blog, and you can read them or not. My God, I can be tiresome sometimes.

Enjoy.

Two men were stopped at the US/Canadian border when customs agents found them to be in possession of "illegal candy." The contraband was uncovered by the world's fattest police dog.

Two cousins in Ohio cleaning out a their aunt's house found a stash of rare baseball cards worth an estimated $3 million. They can't wait to hear how great the cards sound once they put them in their bicycle spokes.

Google Maps unveiled new "Street View" content of Antarctica, taken by what must have been the most hated intern in history.

The Chinese government is claiming that the Great Wall of China is longer than previously thought. Historians are now arguing that it was really cold when they first measured it.

There's a video making the rounds on the Internet right now of a man proposing to his girlfriend to the tune of an old Toyota pickup commercial song. The point being, I guess, is that he's happy to be with her now until she starts breaking down and/or he can afford something better.

If you ain't no chump, holla "WE WANT PRE-NUP!"

Researches found recently that the high cost of dental care keeps many Americans from receiving proper treatment. Also: drills are scary.

White House Press Secretary Jay Carney said yesterday that "the window is closing" for peace in Syria. By the way, Jay Carney thinks that "windows" are magical time-machines that can change the past.

And finally, cycling star Frank Schleck said he "formally rejects" test results that indicate he used banned substances, saying that someone must have tampered with his penis.

BOOMSHAKALAKA. Have a classy day, Internet.

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