Monday, September 3, 2012

Tuesday Morning Monologue - September 4, 2012

Welcome back! Hope you had an awesome day off. No banter today, unfortunately. Or fortunately, depending on how you see it.

Paralympic athlete Oscar Pistorius trashed a fellow competitor after losing the 200 meter race this weekend. He apologized, however, when he realized he'd put his foot in his mouth. Didn't have a leg to stand on? Really stepped in it? Anyway, it's a great reminder that Paralympians can be just as petty as everyone else.

A monster truck at a show in Oregon went out of control and into the stands this weekend, injuring three people who remarked on how real the 3D effects have become.

In the Ivory Coast, universities have reopened for the first time since post-election violence last year. Student government elections are being closely watched, just in case. Also, fraternity hazing seems really bland this year.

A delegate from California was ejected from the Democratic National Convention after passing out drunk in a hotel lobby. He told police later that he was a Congressman, but no one believed a Democratic Congressman would party that hard. Senator, maybe.

The former CEO of Wet Seal filed suit against the company, alleging racism in her dismissal, pointing out that she is the first CEO at the company who was not a seal.

On the eve of the Democratic National Convention, President Obama and the White House press corps toured New Orleans because the George W. Bush Presidential Library doesn't open until next year.

A casino in Minnesota cooked a one-ton cheeseburger this weekend. However, it had mayonnaise, even though they were supposed to use mustard, so the casino ended up having to throw the whole thing out.

Oh, and also, fuck America's hungry.

And finally, polls reveal that the Romney/Ryan campaign has received virtually no post-convention bump. However, the popularity of chairs is soaring.

Alrighty! Let's do this again tomorrow. Maybe with some new jokes.

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