Hey! Did you break out your white pants yesterday? It's officially allowed now, whereas before Memorial Day the Fashion Police would have shot you on site. Tough but fair. These jokes are also tough but fair. Wait, they're neither of those things. Still, you might as well read them since you already read all this nonsense.
The jury in John Edwards' trial will be deliberating for a seventh day before deciding his fate, which is seven days longer than it took Edwards to come to his decision.
Hackers from the U.S. State Department broke into Yemeni al-Qaeda websites and changed the content recently, trying to shame the terror group for attacking civilians.They also embedded a youtube clip of Rebecca Black's "Friday."
In Olympic News, Tokyo is in the running for the 2020 Summer games. "It is a great pleasure and true honor that Tokyo has been accepted as a candidate city," Tokyo governor Shintaro Ishihara said before setting fire to a mountain of cash.
Comedian Eddie Izzard had to postpone his planned tribute to Nelson Mandela last week. His original goal of running 27 marathons in 27 consecutive days was disrupted by what he called "unforeseen medical complications," or as one doctor put it: "the most foreseeable medical complications in the history of medicine."
Los Angeles bans plastic shopping bags, still okay with plastic funbags.
John Mayer said he once sang a page from 50 Shades of Grey to try and woo a woman. It might have worked, too, had he not been John Mayer at the time.
Next season, the NFL is making knee and thigh-pads mandatory for players. It may impede the players ability to see, however, since I'm assuming they'll be wrapping them around their skulls to prevent Traumatic Brain Injury.
And finally, two homosexual characters from the popular comic X-Men will be getting married. It's a great day for the rights of fictional characters everywhere. Oh, and the comic will not be on sale in North Carolina.
With that, I bid you good night. Or whatever. See you tomorrow! Through your computer's webcam! Which I've been secretly controlling!
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