Happy belated Mothers' Day! And also, happy belated Mother's Day! Whichever spelling you prefer. Now, enjoy these jokes!
Yahoo! CEO Scott Thompson is stepping down after only four months on the job, making his transition the fasted that Yahoo! has ever been able to update anything.
"Hey, it's national Bike To Work Week!" says the sweaty guy in your office.
This weekend, Mitt Romney gave the commencement speech at Pat Robertson's Liberty University in his latest effort win the votes of bigots. Go get 'em, Mitt!
Romney also came under fire last week for alleged bullying he did of a gay student in high school. Romney countered that it's not reasonable to judge him for what he did as a child, unless of course he had been a young black male.
The Oklahoma Republican Party convention descended into violence this week as Ron Paul supporters clashed with Romney's. It got so bad that eventually both sides had to call the police to break it up, which was awkward considering that both sides wanted to cut public employees' salaries.
A janitor at Columbia University just graduated from the university with a bachelor's degree in classics. He's decided to keep his job, though, which makes him the most successful classics graduate in recent memory.
In technology news, Facebook co-founder Eduardo Saverin renounced his American citizenship so as to avoid U.S. taxes on the impending Facebook IPO because he's a piece of shit.
And finally, Japan powered down all of its nuclear power plants this month after the Fukushima disaster. Consequently, the government is expecting an increase in power shortages but a sharp decrease in Kaiju-related monster rampages. It's all about trade-offs.
That's all! Come by tomorrow for more biased jokes about stuff that's happening now. Bye!
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