It's late and I'm tired. Feast upon these jokes, you pioneers of comedy.
The Benihana restaurant chain is to be taken private in a $296 million deal. Although it will probably be somewhat higher after gratuity.
In more business news, the Motel 6 chain is also being sold to a private equity group for $1.9 billion dollars. But it would have been less if they'd booked it in the off season. Rookie mistake.
Catholic Cardinal Dolan lashed out at the Obama administration yesterday, saying that rules governing insurance coverage of contraceptives are "strangling" the Catholic church. Quick tip: if the contraceptives are strangling you, you're probably not using them properly. Also, you're probably celibate, so maybe you should shut up about it.
The Hip Hop Hall of Fame now has a permanent home in New York City. Take that, West Coast! You ain't reppin' shit now!
In Michigan, a mother is being sought by police for coercing her daughter into shoplifting a bunch of crap from Old Navy. Apparently she neglected the important lessons about not getting caught, and exactly what snitches get. (Hint: it's stitches)
"Actor" Bruce Willis said yesterday that Mitt Romney is an "embarrassment" and a "dissapointment," and this is coming from a guy who made Hudson Hawk and helped create Planet Hollywood.
In Seattle, an irate moviegoer punched a 10 year-old in the face when he wouldn't stop talking during a screening of Titanic 3D. Well, there's the next "silence is golden" PSA for the next generation. Also, the punch probably is the most dramatic use of 3D technology in cinema history.
And finally, a school psychiatrist in New Orleans posted racially inflammatory comments online about African American students. I believe the website was www.PleaseFireMe.com. Specifically, "Dr." Traina said that "young black thugs" need to be "put down like the dogs they are." Strangely, he also posted that dogs should be given adequately funded schools, community involvement and teachers who are invested in their success.
HOW IRONIC. Okay, that's all. Thanks for reading!
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