No time for joviality. We've got jokes to get through.
Hacker group LulzSec is back in action, announcing a recent attack on the armed forces dating website MilitarySingles.com, in a coordinated effort they've dubbed "Operation Cockblock."
Beef Products Inc. is reeling from outrage over their so-called "pink slime" beef additive. In response to the negative press, they'll be rebranding the filler as "Rosy Ooze." Which sounds like a roller derby player.
Octomother Nadya Suleman just posed for topless photos for the British magazine Closer in order to pay rent and feed her children. Does this sound to anyone else like a soft-core porn adaptation of Bleak House?
Khloe Kardashian quit PETA this week, after the organization offered to pay court costs for the woman who threw a flour-bomb at Kim Kardashian. Khloe had previously posed nude for their anti-fur campaign, at which point it somehow didn't occur to her that the organization was insane.
New research indicates that eating chocolate can help you slim down, says the sad woman at your office.
AT&T is rolling out a new loyalty program, offering special incentives for customers to stay with the mobile phone giant. They're offering increased tech support, waived fees, and discounts on some products. Decent service is still unavailable.
Dominique Strauss-Kahn was arrested in Paris this week on charges of pimping. In response to the pimping charges, the defiant Strauss-Kahn issued a statement through his lawyers that he would persevere through this newest trial. He went on to say that his eventual triumph would not be easy, but it is necessary. He then added, "bitch better have my money."
And finally, in related Dominique Strauss-Kahn news, the embattled lady-enthusiast was held in jail overnight before being released on bail. Hmm. One night without hookers. This does not bode well for the women of Paris.
Take heed, take cover, and take another little piece of my heart. See you tomorrow, friends.
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