Good (time of day) my (level of familiarity) (relationship)! How are you? After these jokes, maybe it will be marginally better. But hey, what else have you got to do for the next three minutes?
On the occasion of her Diamond Jubilee, Queen Elizabeth rededicated herself to serving the UK. And Satan.
Profits are down for high end jeweler Tiffany and Company. But don't worry, profits will be back up just as soon as Gingrich gets out of the campaign. Because he won't be in a position to ruin the economy anymore.
In a new special feature, Gmail will now tell you why a message was classified as "junk" or "spam." It won't, however, tell you why she'll never write back and/or never love you.
A woman in Elkhart, Indiana, claims to have found a feather in her Chicken McNugget. A spokesman for the company said, "impossible! Those things have never been near a bird."
New trend in business, as job applicants are being asked for their Facebook passwords. MySpace accounts are unaffected.
In the UK, Adele's 21 has overtaken Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon as the number one selling album in UK history. Because kids in the UK no longer smoke pot.
Americans are up in arms over the recent enhanced screening of a wheelchair-bound toddler by the TSA. Unfortunate. They did, however, find two knives and a can of mace.
And finally, Rick Santorum's campaign has sold over $300,000 worth of sweater vests to donors. Good news, everyone! It just got easier to spot assholes!
That's it! Later, friends!
On my first tour, I lived 10 minutes away from Elkhart Indiana. It's where I saw The Big Lebowski, and found this little used bookshop and bought Women Who Run With Wolves. Also the bowling alley has a little bar what offers karaoke. That was where I learned never to sing Paradise By The Dashboard Light. It's eleventymillion minutes long.
ReplyDeleteLots of stuff happens in Elkhart Indiana.
Feathers in mcnuggets isn't one of them.
On your "first tour." What a jet-setter, Misti.
ReplyDelete