Hello, friends. Hunker down and dig in on these here jokes.
In Qatar, organizers for the World Cup are questioning the need to sell alcoholic beverages at the games, indicating that they've never actually been to a sporting event.
Bad news for Bear Grylls, star of Man vs. Wild, who was fired from his show by Discovery Channel. Although he's already shopping a new program: Man vs. Unemployment. Also bad news for everyone looking for a job, because now they have to compete with Bear Grylls. Good luck with that.
Encyclopaedia Britannica will no longer be publishing actual, physical books, opting instead for an electronic version. So now, instead of a long row of dusty, unopened books on your shelf, it will just be a small, dusty thumb drive. PROGRESS!
Former 90210 star Jennie Garth is getting divorced. I can't help but blame Shannon Doherty.
Rick Santorum is attacking Mitt Romney for how Romney reportedly treated the family dog during a long road trip. Santorum suggested that Romney should have shown the dog greater love, but then again if he had, Santorum would probably just accuse Romney of being gay. Because Santorum said that homosexuality was the equivalent of bestiality.
He sucks.
Russia said yesterday that it will not intervene military to protect Syrian presidential monster Bashar Assad. Unless, of course, his check clears.
The ruling junta in Burma has agreed to televise a speech by opposition leader Aun San Suu Kyii, but they do reserve the right to swap out the audio for the sound of someone farting.
And finally, election officials in Egypt reported that 500 people are running for the nation's presidency (despite what happened to the last one). Donald Trump has threatened to make it 501.
That's that! More later. Till then, have a great day!
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