Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Wednesday Morning Monologue - February 8, 2012

Today is a very special edition of the Late Night Morning.

It's come to our attention that a woman in California, when sued for illegally downloading and sharing a pornographic film, countersued the producers arguing that porn cannot be protected by copyright because it doesn't "promote the Progress of Science and useful Arts," as laid out in the U.S. Constitution. While it remains for the courts to decide just how useful poledancing is, we've got a few suggestions for how to make pornography more artistically valid: by combining it with Shakespeare. Sex up the Bard, and everyone knows it's artistic. Also, this stuff is public domain! Go crazy! Titles and sample dialog follow.

MacButt
(AKA The Scottish Porn)
"Is this a wiener I see before me? Come, let me clutch thee."

The Merchant of Penis
"In sooth, I know not why I am so horny."

King Leer
"Meantime we shall express our sexier purpose"

Much Ado About Humping
"I see, lady, the gentleman is not in your pants... yet."

Humplet
"To bone, or not to bone"

Othell-Hoe
"It is the one-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on"

Taming of the Screw
"I'll not bulge an inch. More like 12."

The Two Gentlemen of Verona and the Babysitter
"Come not within the measure of my boner"

The Merry Wives of Windsor and the Babysitter
"Why, then the world's mine bearded clam"

A Midsummer Night's Sex Dream
"I am that merry humper of the night"

Love's Labours Lost (In my Pants)
"Let me take you a butthole lower"

As You Like It (In my Pants)
"I can suck melancholy out of a schlong as a weasel sucks eggs"

All's Well That Ends Well (In my Pants)
"My friends were poor, but sexy"

The Winter's Piece of Tail
"You pay a great deal too dear for what's given freely on the street corner"

Coriol-Anus
"Faith, there have been many great men that have flatter'd the people, who ne'er boned them"

Tight Ass Andronicus
"She is a woman, therefore may be sexed-up"

Julius She-sar
"I come not to bury She-sar, but to bang him"

You're welcome, pr0n. Tomorrow, back to our regularly scheduled program.

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