Did anyone else watch the Oscars on Twitter last night? I wonder if anything else happened. Oh, wait, this stuff happened. And I wrote some jokes about it.
At a recent rally, Mitt Romney confused "conservatism" with "conservationism" and pledged to protect America's natural resources from harmful exploitation. I'm just kidding. He'd never do that.
The film Hugo picked up the first two Oscars last night, which led to some brief drama when it was explained to Hugo Chavez that he would not be able to make an acceptance speech. He then said that Billy Crystal smelled like brimstone.
Wikileaks has already leaked next year's winners.
At the technical awards ceremony, The Help took home the award for Outstanding Achievement in Craft Services. For the poop pie.
Filmmaker and actor Sacha Baron Cohen was allowed to wear his "Dictator" costume on the red carpet after pledging that he would not actually be entertaining (thus setting an unrealistic expectation for the rest of the evening).
Across town, Adam Sandler set a Razzie record with 11 nominations, the most for a single person in one year. Upon hearing the dis-honor, Mr. Sandler burst into tears and blew his nose on a stack of $1000 bills.
Even further away from the Oscars, Lucy Lawless was arrested for taking part in a Greenpeace protest against arctic drilling. First joke: think she's taking her name too seriously. Second joke: that sound you hear is a million Xena fans taking to the Internet to write Xena-in-prison erotic lesbian fanfiction. Please don't Google that.
And finally, women on Facebook are un-friending people at a much higher rate than men, says the scientist you stood up for a date last week.
That's all. Sorry for all the Oscar-bashing, but I watched last year's and I still hold a grudge. Happier times tomorrow!
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