Monday, February 27, 2012

Tuesday Morning Monologue - February 28, 2012

Take that, Tuesday! And by "that" I mean "this." And by "this" I mean "these jokes." Enjoy!

An onboard fire has crippled another Costa Cruises ship, leaving passengers and crew stranded in the Indian Ocean. And no one on board is complaining. In a related story, Capt. Francesco Schettino immediately jumped into a boat upon hearing the news.

In Warren, Texas, a 12 year-old boy was detained at school for waving a loaded gun at a classmate during lunch. Although, since this is Texas, he may have just been pointing at the kid's Salisbury steak. Kids love that stuff.

In the UK, investigations into The Sun newspaper revealed a huge culture of illegal bribes and other payoffs. So, remind me again why American newspapers can't turn a profit?

Mary Jo Buttafuoco got remarried in Las Vegas. We wish her the best of luck. No joke here. The world needs another Buttafuoco joke like it needs a... never mind.

The Detroit Symphony paired up with Kid Rock for a fundraiser event. Proceeds will be used to help Kid Rock with his rent.

Intelligence firm Stratfor condemned WikiLeaks yesterday for releasing 5 million of the company's emails. Representatives called it a deplorable, unfortunate and illegal breach of privacy "that no one made any money off of."

The Sex Pistols signed with Universal, because, ultimately, nothing is more punk than a bunch of old geezers who still don't know anything about music taking a bunch of money from a faceless corporation trying to profit off of an ancient trend it still doesn't understand.

Punk's not dead, but it may be wearing a diaper.

And finally, Senegal's leader Abdoulaye Wade was booed as he cast his ballot in the country's presidential election, but that's probably because he was wearing a Patriot's jersey.

That's it! Hope you're having a great week! See you tomorrow!

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