Begin coasting now, everyone. It's the middle of the week. Time to not give a damn. Except for jokes. You should always take jokes seriously. Like these, for instance.
Herman Cain said yesterday that due to the latest allegations that he has been having an affair, he will "reassess" his campaign, which likely means he will be looking for a new piece of ass on his campaign staff.
He likes the ladies.
Good news, book fans! Fahrenheit 451, the cautionary tale of technology's power to sap our humanity, is finally out as an eBook. This is great, because I was looking for a way to read great sci-fi literature while still signaling to the world that I in no way understand what I'm reading.
Speaking of not getting it, Miley Cyrus came out in support of the Occupy Wall Street movement. No comment yet from Hannah Montana.
The Gay Softball World Series settled a suit from three players who were banned in 2008 because they were suspected of not being gay. I can't tell if this is a step forward for gay rights or not.
In Connecticut, a pair of wealth fund managers won a $254 million lottery prize this weekend. One of them said, "wow, this would be really exciting if I weren't already so wealthy!"
John Hinckley is petitioning for release from a D.C. mental hospital on the grounds that he's no longer a danger to society as it turns out Reagan is dead and Jodie Foster is a lesbian.
In the UK, a toilet designer is working on urinal video games to "combat boredom" in the bathroom. The first game is "Space Invaders," but it has more to do with people who stand too close to you while you pee. Also, you really should wash your hands after touching the joystick.
And finally, the National Institute of Health in the UK found that patients in admitted to the hospital on the weekend are more likely to die than people admitted during the week. So, plan your heart attacks accordingly.
See, told you it was time to coast. I hope you enjoyed these, and hope you'll check out more tomorrow! Until then, have a great day!
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