Hey, everyone! It's Wednesday, which means you're as far from the last weekend as you are from the next. It's like purgatory, except it makes sense. Speaking of making sense, I'll be performing Thursday at the Happy Sounds Comedy Show, 8pm at the Creek and Cave in Queens. If you're in the area, come on out! It's free, for crying out loud. Also free: these jokes.
Arizona authorities busted up a drug ring worth $33million per month because they found out the cartel was using undocumented laborers.
In Japan, the Prime Minister recently drank water from puddles at the Fukushima nuclear reactor to show it was safe. He did it because journalists dared him to. That's also the reason why he was eating worms at a press conference yesterday.
Pizza-man and presidential hopeful Herman Cain denounced the sexual harassment charges against him, calling them a "witch hunt." Christine O'Donnell immediately went into hiding. Because she's a witch.
Relativity Media is shooting a film in the Chinese province of Shandong, despite the fact that Chinese authorities are holding a blind human rights activist under house arrest there. Said a spokesman for the company, "that's okay, he wasn't going to see our movie anyway."
In England, Apple fired an employee for making a disparaging Facebook post about the company, but really it's because he did it using a Blackberry.
Caving in to pressure from customers, Bank of America is cancelling their proposed $5/month debit card fee. Instead, they'll just go back to selling mortgage-backed securities. Everyone wins!
Actress and trainwreck Megan Fox is set to make her Broadway debut this month. Any chance she could join Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark?
Speaking of S-M:TOtD, the musical is about to lose two of its original performers. Careful, you two. I've seen enough Vietnam movies to know it's always the short-timers that get it.
Okay, that's gotta do it for today. Dig deep everyone, and have a great day! I'll see you tomorrow.
Metaphorically, of course. I can't actually see any of you. So you should feel free to continue reading my blog on the toilet in the morning. Nobody can see you but God. Well, that's enough. Bye!
That might be the best S-M:TotD joke in months. Might be the only one.
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