Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Tuesday Morning Monologue - August 27, 2013

Former Congressman and NYC Mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner was involved in fender-bender Saturday morning. Three women have already come forward to say he was on his phone at the time, sending them pictures of the "gear shift," if you know what I mean.

Justin Timberlake won big at the Video Music Awards this weekend. He also made Joan Rivers' "Best Dressed List" thanks to how he cleverly accessorized his outfit with an old, kitschy boy band.

Also at the VMAs, rapper Eminem took the opportunity to announce his upcoming album, Hey, Remember Eminem? Come On, He's Still Cool!

In Scotland, tickets to the annual Fringe comedy festival were up by 5% over year, raising attendance to a record-high 21 people.

JC Penney's largest investor has bailed out, saying that things for the company were getting ugly. And for JC Penney's biggest investor, you know things have to get pretty ugly for him to have a problem.

The New York Attorney General is suing Donald Trump for running a bogus university that served as a pyramid scheme for the famous douchebag. Fortunately, the Donald Trump School of Hair Design will not be affected.

Starbucks announced it will soon be opening a location in Colombia, where eager customers are already lining up to have their names mispronounced.

And finally, health clubs are offering trampolines as part of group fitness classes. It's great for muscle tone, but you have to pay extra for the "We'll Set Your Broken Bones" package. Stupid upcharges.

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